My Anchor

Ever since I started this blog a couple of weeks ago, I have only been writing about pain, trauma, depression and hopelessness. While out for my run earlier today, I feel like it is time for me to write something more uplifting, as a reminder to myself that everything is not all bad in my life.

I’ve been with my partner for almost 10 years now. For many years, I have made things so difficult for the both of us because I did not have any insight into my mental health. I was unwilling to admit to myself that I was depressed and anxious because I thought it was a sign of weakness, a sign that I was losing control of my life, a sign that was broken.Thus, I have inadvertently been needy and emotionally dependent on her all these years without even realising it. When she distanced herself from me during the times I was overbearing, I accused her for being insensitive and for not loving me as much as I love her. She has never raised her voice at me whenever we fight, while I would fly into a rage, make accusations and gaslight her. I became the ugliest version of myself and I was oblivious that I was hurting her and pushing her away, despite flailing desperately to bring her closer to me.

I just want to dedicate this post to her for her patience, understanding, tolerance, compromise and love for a broken person like myself. She has been my unwavering anchor and support all these years and I am forever indebted to her. I want to be a better person for her and no longer hurt her the way I used to. I know now what I need to do to be the best version of me when it comes to loving her.

11 Comments

  1. ashok says:

    All the best. Great to have an understanding friend.

    Like

    1. Hi Ashok… thank you. Yes, I am very fortunate to have her with me.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. ashok says:

        My pleasure 😊

        Like

      2. πŸ™‚ hope you have had a good week

        Liked by 1 person

      3. ashok says:

        Oh yes. Thank you so much for asking.

        I hope and pray that it was good for you tooπŸ˜ŠπŸ€—

        Liked by 1 person

      4. The weekend has been alright :). Thank you for asking.

        Liked by 1 person

      5. ashok says:

        My humble suggestion : stop thinking and talking about depression. Think and talk only of Hope and Joy 😊πŸ₯³

        Liked by 1 person

      6. Hi Ashok… that is what I am working towards :). I started this blog as a way to process past trauma. Getting myself to write about feelings and emotions that I’ve suppressed for so long is helping in my recovery.

        Liked by 1 person

      7. ashok says:

        Sounds good. Let us hope and pray for the best πŸ™

        Liked by 1 person

      8. Thank you for your prayers Ashok 😊

        Liked by 1 person

      9. ashok says:

        My pleasure my friend 😊

        Liked by 1 person

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