Longing

As a child

I longed for your attention

The youngest born

With three older siblings

I was never good enough

Never smart enough

Never pretty enough

I became stale

The novelty of babies gone

You said I was easy

No tears, no fuss, no sickness

Still, there’s no sweet affection

An unwanted child, you said

A reminder when I disappoint

Drilled into my childhood psyche

That lingers on

Mother, why did you despise me?

Why the cold, chilly existence

Which engulf me, even in death, I disappoint

When all my life

I wanted so bad to please

To make you proud

Too late now

No chance for redemption

Only anger left in me, replacing the longing of a child I once was

And I find peace…

I finally found peace.

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