Sins of the Father

I guess you could consider this post as a sequel to my earlier post titled Sins of the Mother . I told my mother about the abuse at the hands of my brother when I was 16, but I waited to tell my father about it until more than a decade later. I was 32 when I told him. I’m still not sure why I waited so many years before till I decided to tell my father about the abuse. Maybe, I was afraid that I would receive the same respond as my mother had given me. Maybe, I was too ashamed to tell him. Maybe, I was still in denial that the abuse ever happened. I still have not figured this out yet.

My father came for a visit in 2011. I was still living in Malaysia at that time, running a small English language centre at the state of Johor, situated in the south of Peninsular Malaysia, by the border to Singapore. We had dinner at one of my father’s favourite Chinese restaurant nearby, when he decided that he wanted to spend some time at the language centre, before heading back to my apartment.

I can’t exactly recall what we talked about before I decided at the spur of the moment to tell him about what my brother did to me as we were growing up. I tried to gauge his facial reaction as the words started stumbling out of my mouth, but I saw nothing. To be fair, I don’t even know what I was expecting to see. Deep down, I knew what was going to happen. I just knew that he would utter the same words my mother did when I was 16. And I was right. With a straight face, not looking at me, but staring straight ahead as he said, “Don’t tell anyone.”

Flashes of better memories of time I spent with my father came flooding back. Where was the father that used to bring me to the cinema for movies? Where was the father that would carry me and place me on his lap as he moved his knees up and down to mimic a horse ride? Where was the father that used to carry me to the bedroom whenever I pretended to have fallen sleep on the sofa? At that moment, I was hoping for him to say: “I’m so sorry that happened to you. I wish I knew”. Or maybe a sign of anger or disappointment towards his only son. There was none of this. Writing this blog entry makes my heart ache and his words “don’t tell anyone”, echoes over and over again in my head.

7 Comments

  1. ashok says:

    Forgive them my Lord they know not what they do.
    God be with you 🙏

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I am working on this. Thank you for dropping by my blog

      Liked by 1 person

      1. ashok says:

        God be with you

        Like

  2. LaDonna Remy says:

    I am very sorry that this has happened. I am glad you are writing and sharing your experience. My genuine care to you.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much for your words of validation and for following my posts. It means a lot to me. Thank you

      Liked by 1 person

      1. LaDonna Remy says:

        You, are very welcome. You have solid thoughts and insights. I hope you have a good evening

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Thank you 😊. It is 1036pm where I’m at at the moment. I wish the same for you too. Hope your day has been a good day so far and enjoy the rest of your day.

        Liked by 1 person

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